Hi llupeh ,





I am reviewing your item today as I found it posted in the Read A Newbie forum.

Title:

The title is simple, yet it speaks to the very core of your poem.

Form:

Your poem is written in free verse. Consistent with the rules of free verse your poem does not have a set metre nor rhyme pattern.

I like the parallel between the freedom of free verse and the freedom of the emotion of love. Love and romance rarely follow a predetermined form or pattern - an attribute (blue eyes, dark hair, sense of humour, or whatever)that we find attractive in one person, we may not necessarily find that same attribute attractive in another person.

General impressions:

I get a very strong feeling for your narrator. It is easy to share in their fears of losing the person they love.

Your narrator talks us through their associations with the colour black, both the positive and the negative. Your narrator shares their love of wearing black-coloured clothing, but is dreading the day when they will have to wear their mourning clothes.

Favourite quotes:


I love this line. The use of the starless night sky as a metaphor for death is really clever.

The inclusion of the word "terrifying" allows your narrator's fear to scream from the page. We all have a fear of death, but the fear of losing someone we love is far greater than the fear of our own passing.


This line cleverly allows your narrator to share some of their beliefs with us. Your narrator clearly believes in a life after death, and although that should be a source of comfort for them, it's not.

I think no matter how strongly anyone believes in life after death or Heaven or whatever it is that someone believes in, losing a loved one is still one of the most traumatic and awful things that can happen.

Suggestions:

I don't particularly like giving suggestions when it comes to poetry. I feel that poems are very personal and individually creative.

I did have two comments though.

In line 8 you have misspelled breathless - there is an h missing.

Since you have used punctuation and proper English in your poem, you should capitalise every use of the pronoun "I".

Closing remarks:

Oxymoronically, this was a thoroughly enjoyable read that evoked contrasting feelings of sorrow and love. Your poem is brilliantly written and is very deserving of the ribbon that adorns it.

Wishing you a very happy 15th WDC birthday week.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~hating university

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .