Hi sarahsbooks,



Title:

I like your title. It gives us an inkling as to what your short story is about, and fits perfectly with both your ending and the prompt you were provided with.

First impression:

This is a lovely short story about a family planning their Christmas activity.

General impressions:

I love the closeness of the siblings in your story. Far too often siblings are written antagonising each other or with the youngest always been picked on and bullied by older brothers or sisters.

The story has a lovely Disney-esque feel to it - both the sweetness of the children and the magic of the scene you have painted.

I do love the fact that you know to hyphenate your phrasal adjectives (red-striped). It's something that I see too many writers not doing (or not knowing to do).

Favourite quotes:


I love the way how you paint your scene here. You describe what in most people's eyes would be a perfect Christmas scene. It's also a nice leap from the prompt picture as you zoom out and take in the wider landscape.

Line by line suggestion: There was one minor niggle that is included in the dropnote below. Your original work is in black, specific suggestions are in indigo, and additional notes/explanations for the change are in orange.

Line by line suggestions ▼

wool hat over her sister ears
wool hat over her sister's ears
Just a missing 's.

Closing remarks:

You have done an excellent job of using the picture prompt to write your story. Wishing you the best of luck with your 52 stories. I hope you are enjoying birthday week here at WDC.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!



Andy~hating university




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .