%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4154553 |
 | The Executioner  [18+] Two very different men work together to hang pirates in 1737. What could go wrong?  |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !  First Impressions: That was an unexpected turn of events! It was clear from the beginning that there was no love lost between the two men but I didn’t think Thomas would abandon John so readily. I suppose there was nothing he could have done for him; it wasn’t a case of rescuing him from the mysterious man or beast because he had already somehow managed to hang himself in the noose he had so carefully prepared. He wasn’t a pleasant character so the readers are unlikely to feel bad for him. Thomas, on the other hand, came across as a man with a bit of compassion and a sense of fairness, and it wasn’t clear at first that his moral compass perhaps didn’t exactly point north. The interaction between the two men was nicely done; you showed their relationship mainly through Thomas’ thoughts and a couple bits of dialogue which made John’s character a little clearer. The way in which he fashioned the nooses, as you explained in Thomas’ internal monologue, wasn’t so much to be cruel but done out of a sense for drama which wasn’t necessary in this situation. The presence of the other man or beast came as a surprise and it was the first time that Thomas’ real character became apparent: He didn’t exactly go out of his way to make sure John was safe but made sure he was okay first.  Suggestions: The writing was good and I only have one minor grammatical suggestion. the safety of New Amsterdam, He glimpsed “he” should begin with a lower case letter. I realised that the speech at the end of the story was for the benefit of the readers since the pirates couldn’t understand what Thomas was saying, but that made it seem a little forced. If those were his thoughts, it might work better to show them as such rather than have him say them out loud. They might have been able to sense that he was going to let them go, but the last sentence wouldn’t have been something they could have inferred from his tone. I don’t know if this was written for a contest where you had to keep within a word limit, but if not, it might be worth expanding that last paragraph a little and show the readers how he said those words, perhaps his gestures and facial expressions as he did, to explain why he expected them to understand him. It’s just an idea to make that part a little clearer.  Final Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this story as well as the historical snipped you included at the beginning. I didn’t know that fact and imagining what would have happened there made the tale quite intriguing. You did leave me with one question at the end, regarding the man-beast and who he was, how he might have got there. He could be a pirate who was hanged on a previous occasion and left there although he wasn’t really dead, but I didn’t spot any hint that this was the case. The fact that Thomas thought of him as a beast didn’t necessarily mean that he wasn’t a man, but it wasn’t clear and I would have liked at least a clue as to his identity, or a more detailed description to make up my own might who he might have been. But that was a minor point and it didn’t take away from the quality of the story.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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