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Review #4161745
Viewing a review of:
 Hand in Hand Open in new Window. [E]
Short poem of love.
by KawaiiBoo Author Icon
Review of Hand in Hand  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Balloong*Welcome to WDC KawaiiBoo! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I found this love poem on the Read A Newbie page and I liked the title as it brought the image to mind of couples walking hand in hand and it could apply to any age in relationship. Good choice.

This is very sweet and the notion of the "star" is a perfect for romantic theme.
The scene is vivid and the gentle tone is vibrant. I loved the invitation of the poet to the beloved to just "be with" under a starry sky with no stress or expectation. The image of locking eyes is vivid too. *Cool*

To make it more poetic in form I think you could shorten some lines:
For example: start a new line with "I saw your beautiful eye...mine"
then "It twinkled {you said They but it was one eye}
Then begin the last sentence with " I realized...far". Or even "I knew we would go far.". It would look more like a poem verse that way. Just an idea! *Wink*

Thanks for the lovely romantic vision! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/01/2015 @ 3:48pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4161745