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 Review #4162341 |
 | Anon A. Mouse  [18+] A poem from the mouse's point of view.  |
| (4.5)| Hello, flashramey !Thanks for your entry to "The Humorous Poetry Contest" [18+]. I enjoyed reading your poem! I thought it told a humorous story about a mouse and its adventure to survive in a home. With each verse, it built up to a funny punchline!  I thought it had a good hook with the first two lines. This is a good way to draw the reader further into the story. I paused at a couple of spots and had to re-read them. I think some lines had the comma in the wrong place or didn't even need it. Also, the pace was thrown by some lines being too long. To fix it, I think by reading it out loud it would smooth these areas out. Overall, I liked the story it told! With each verse, it dropped a little snippet of fun and adventure. I didn't see that ending coming, so it was a humorous punchline for sure. Way to go! Thanks for supporting the contest.  ~Lornda ** Animated Images For Use By Premium+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 10/02/2015 @ 1:03pm EDT