I think the "Blood Sausage," makers, bring a bit of creepiness to the story, because it sets the reader up to expect something gory and scary to happen. Thus, naming the house after the purveyors business, fits well into the picturing of the scene.

Nicely done.

There were some spots that made me slow down my reading and thus the true appreciation of the story, since it was a very short piece.

Observations:


"Now the house is quite." [quiet]

"The wind blow [blew] from behind me, gently pushing towards the house."

"It had a white picket fence whose paint had begun to peel." "Whose" paint, makes it sound like a person, rather than a thing.

TRY: There was a white picket fence, and its paint had begun to peel.

"I surveyed the room. It was a large sitting room with a grand fireplace." Repetitive of the word "room." Combine, and write tighter.
TRY: I surveyed the large sitting room, which had a grand fireplace.

"I soon found the burial chamber[,] but standing in front of the door way[,] was a man in a black and white striped suit."

"I recognised the blue of their shirt as my school uniform. Then I looked at their face and was confounded to see that it was my own."

Since there was only one body, the corpse should be he/she,for a possessive pronoun, or since it is dead, "it" would also fit as a pronoun, because "it" is a corpse. Also, I am assuming a British English, here in the spelling of recognized, since there is an "s" rather than a "z," as it is spelled in American English.

With a quick bit of editing, this story will read smoothly and keep the reader's interest, until the very end.

I have to tell you, that Blood Sausage House makes me want to say ... "I never sausage a place!" Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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