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BLACKBIRD
by M.Prelooker

E-Two-#blowme

Chapter-11-flashback

Here we go, with a big backstory about the first time Gillian met Brockner

>>>Then she realized she wouldn’t see him anymore, and it was odd, because she didn’t like the idea.
Ah ha, some new feelings are poking around. Maybe it's more than a rock-star crush.

>>> How they studied the case, visited the scenes, compared forensics.
You could include a little more detail about what profilers study. Especially how the victims were killed and autopsy reports, photos, previous crimes. It's a really interesting process.

>>>His body language, all about him, pointed to a young man who enjoyed his work, with a promising career ahead and a fulfilling personal life backing him up.
This is really a different version of Brock. What must have happened to him to make him so stern, bitter and hard. I know that's part of the story yet to be revealed. (?)

>>>they were having a surreal argument comparing Supernatural, Sherlock and Breaking Bad―,
I assume those are real TV series. I have been disconnected from television since 2004. We just got a DVD of old Big Bang shows...all new to me.

>>> the other three cried together, totally outraged.
Television addicted geeks.

>>> Then Gillian spotted a window sliding up at the second floor.
I'd say yes for three our of four, but all of them? Seems too perfect if there is a need for a profiler.

FINAL COMMENT: You spent a lot of time establishing the need for a professional profiler...then Gillian does her best analysis, Tanya hunts them down and they get 100% correct? I think it is too perfect. Let them have a tiny failure. Gillian can still have doubts and her need for a professional.
Of course her need for a professional may be evolving. (?)

Moving on...

Best, Gale



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .