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Hi slavezero, I just read this story, and I enjoyed it. My favorite was the ending when Tara put a knife in Barry's chest. Barry hadn't even thought that the lady was not Angie. Nice twist. Remember the scenes we talked about in email--the fast horror ones that you were trying to write? You achieved that effect perfectly in these lines: The body convulsed and the eyes sparked open . . . out of his hold as he tumbled to the floor Very well done. ![]() My suggestion is to make the opening of the story more catchy. Some readers are not patient enough to read until the suspenseful or part of the story that shows a twist. Otherwise, an enjoyable story! Write on. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ![]() ![]()
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