Hello, amymedek!

I love reading other people's story ideas, and while I know the writing and character development are a huge part of the story, being able to capture those initial details and plot lines is equally important, and I have the pleasure of seeing what you've put together here.

Just to let you know, I tend to review in a stream of consciousness style so if at any point you have trouble following me or if I'm unclear, feel free to email me and I will explain myself as best I can.

I love the place where Survivor lives and think there is great opportunity for story telling here and bringing in mythologies. I am not too hot on his name. It seems a little in your face for characterization to give him a "symbolic" name like that. Kelpies are a Scottish myth and I think it would do more service to give him a name paying homage to that origin.

The backstory is a bit confusing to me. Why would there need to be a tree that's haunted to warn people away if the kelpie is captured and no longer a threat because of that? Again, I like the ideas here because I think that there is a lot of opportunity for slowly revealing the backstory as the story develops and Eve is brought into this world, but it's hard to comment more on execution.

Does the Kelpie have another name when he's in horse form? Or do they call the horse Kelpie? That would be good to note too. Also, I'm not sure that I find the neglect part believable. While I understand the anger, even a captured kelpie probably wouldn't roll over and take that. I think it's too simplistic as well in terms of "revenge". Grief is much more complex and I think this is an area that can be better thought through and developed.

Does Cook have a name?

Nightmare - I like his story line - a favor for a favor. That's very fey-like and fits with the mythology of a kelpie. However, I think it would be more believable with a) a different name, and b) maybe a character from Scottish mythology (or just a fey creature). They're meddling and would do something like this.

Why does the kelpie want to kill her? Is it just part of they're natural inclination or does his think she's part of his capture and imprisonment?

The God part is interesting - again because we're dealing with a Scottish mythology. I'm not sure I believe it's sudden appearance in the story line here or that prayer fixed anything. It seems really odd with the other themes going on in the story here. I think it would be stronger if something about Eve herself keeps the nightmares from affecting her too much, not in some special snowflake way, but in a maturation from childhood. It's a way to introduce a good backstory and give her strength.

How does she find out about the horse really being a kelpie? Is it through the dreams? How does she come to accept it if she really is Christian? (Another reason I think you should remove the religion piece.) I think this is a big enough plot point that you should think it out more. Is it slow? Does she know something is off when she works here or is it sudden because of the dreams?

Does the kelpie fall in love with her? Is it true love or is it more like familial? This is something that I think also seems glanced over in this overview that really probably should be thought out even at this level more.

I didn't see anything about a location (e.g. country), time period, or anything else telling me a bit more about where this is located.

I think there are all the pieces here to make a good story. However, this is very disorganized overview that seems to be pretty out of order for how it'd be written. Maybe if you consider some of my above suggestions, you can also work on re-ordering or even think of breaking it out in a high level outline form.

I think there is a really good opportunity to explore a lot of good themes and issues around grief, revenge, compassion, all wrapped up in some fun mythology. I wish you the best of luck in writing this and hope one day to read it!

I hope you find my comments and suggestions helpful as you choose to review and best of luck with publishing! I hope to see your work in print!

-Kate

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .