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 Review #4203350 |
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| Hi Shaye  ,I read your story that I found at SCREAMS!!! Hope you find my comments helpful. I like the structure of the story. Diary entries really appeal to me because they bring out the truth from someone. I mean, why lie in my very own personal diary? I also liked that, through her diary, I saw a sequence as she transformed to a vampire. Something else I noticed at her third diary entry was that she actually grabbed her diary and wrote about the delivery man, He’s cowering in the corner As she writes about him, she watches him cower. I was thinking that she could write about such an incident later after she has finished him up. The story is well written. I didn't spot any typos but I did see this line and have given my suggestion in blue: All I need is blood, and the power and confidence that it brings Overall, a very enjoyable story. I'm guessing she'd continue being a call girl in her vampire life as well because at the end she intends to find her pimp. I'm sending 1500 gps because I had mentioned din my previous posts that I'll reward the entrant who has put an effort in their story. See "  Write on! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/15/2016 @ 1:23pm EDT