Hello Lindsay Rae!

Okay I saw that this piece was over in the review me area and you mention with your need for reviews that you know this needs some tinkering and play with it. My biggest thing I'd recommend is trimming off the excess words to get to the meaning faster and to have your lines/stanzas more potent. Also, just like stories, 'telling vs. showing' still goes into effect. Let's go after this and see what I can help with.

Below is my review of your item beginning with Corrections:

Corrections/Suggestions
her heart lay by the side of the road.-
Instead of this I would recommend this tinker:

her heart lay by the road.-

Waiting, waiting for the next break.-

I would suggest taking out the second waiting.

The way that one tooth is crooked-

I like the imagery in this, that crocked one tooth being a quirk that is loved. Just playing with those words that can be more extra and delivering the message sooner.

Just got through this poem, looking at it closely, and take out words that may not be needed such as 'the, that, etc.' and I think this will help with the message you are trying to convey. Also, watch your poem for those very descriptive parts I highlighted and where it may feel like you are 'telling' us more of this love you are trying to convey. But can be removed in the fourth stanza as well as suddenly in the fifth stanza. Things like those pieces of words that detract.

Rhythm/Rhyming
The rhythm was off because of the syllables being too much, then shorter, so it read a little more chopper. I say the biggest suggestion to help with this is to trim off those excess words that don't help or add to the potency of your message.

My Favorite Line(s)
in that cavernous realm of dripping tar.
Infected with poisonous words-

The above is an example of your good showing us and descriptions, I really like these two lines.

Overall Comments
Overall, I understand where you are going with this poem, there is work to be done, but if you are ready to use some elbow grease you can polish this up to get your message across quicker and stronger. You have a story of a love that shows the quirks of this woman that makes it endearing. Just a little work and editing will make it that much stronger. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .