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 Review #4229818 |
 The Story ~John hits up a neighbors garage sale on his way home, something he normally doesn't do. Just when he's ready to leave, he finds an old guitar and once the instrument is in his hands, he cannot help but play. Mandy, the owner of house and John make small talk, and she insists on him playing for her, and even taking her sons neglected guitar. Being able to play again brings back memories that lead John to revisit his past, to his first love and loss.   General ~I thought the ending was a little short and could've been pressed upon a little bit more. Melissa was a significant part of his youth and lost too soon. Maybe describing what her presence, what she felt like when she touched him would really tug on your readers heartstrings. Impressions ~The story of love and loss is bittersweet, though going back and remembering is not always easy. You had good descriptions of John playing the guitar and the interactions with Mandy worked well. I could visualize them interacting, and what it was like for him playing the guitar, being lost in the music he played. I wanted to make more of an emotional connection to John, to feel his heartache over the loss of his first love. That kind of heartache is difficult for most people, especially losing Melissa that way. The guitar wept, he wept. If you go back to where his vision is blurry, think about adding a little more depth there. What the tears felt like running down his face, or burning his eyes as they welled, unable to let them fall. The last line, when he walks away and says he can still feel her guiding his fingers, what did that feel like? Describe these things. They will make more of an impact with your reader, just as it did when you described Melissa in the hospital. Write On! "Game of Thrones"  by Creeper Of The Realm    
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