What worked ~
You had good moments of description toward the end, which was missing in the beginning. There is a lot going on in the dream for you to work with.



Things to work on ~
One of things I wondered about was how the man with the fireball eyes made you feel? Did you feel safe or scared? Adding that into the story would help to know why you chose to follow him. There are some sentence structure issues.

I was looking downwards to see the building and amazed,period. Then asked myself,
“How could I climb such a high building?” “How could I come here?” "Why have I climbed up this building?"-- all of this only needs quotes at the beginning of the first question, and at the end of the last question mark. The only reason to break it up would be if you were going to add any thoughts from question to question.

He was so quickly steppinged down the stairs.--a little tweaking helps the sentence to flow better.

On the each of the floors we passed by I saw people who had already died before and were known to me. But he was not giving me time to stop and talk with them. --this one doesn't flow well and is a bit jarring. Try something like this: On each of the floors we passed I saw people who had already died that I knew, but he didn't slow down and give me time to stop and speak to them.

At last we were inon the street.

They said, “Hurry” Otherwise we will leave you. <--move the quote from the end of HURRY to the end of the sentence.


Dreams are not easy to convey, especially because they tend to fade quickly once we're awake. Think about adding more descriptive elements to your storytelling. Sounds, smells, the way things feel to the touch, how you feel as things happen around you. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and visualize things and then write it down. Nice story. Write on!

"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby