Story ~
Johnny Carter and Duba are heading with a supply wagon, but the impending storm stops them in their tracks, causing them hole up and find shelter, making they journey even longer. Vivid beginning to this book chapter.

Characters ~
Johnny Carter is leading the way through the Savannah Grasslands. He is very observant, and aggravated that the storm heading in their direction will cause him a delay in his journey.

Issues ~
The evening was closing in quickly as it always does at this time of year; the darkness quickened now by the heavy stratus bank that hung low above the savannah grasslands like a thick Basuto blanket, ~think this needs to be capitalized.

Lighting/Lightning flashed across the sky in solid sheets that lit the heavens so that the beaten clouds shone like old battle bruises, and the thunder cracked above his head like the sound of heavy artillery fire. ~loved this visual

From where he sat his horse he could see the large hailstones bouncing across the grassland like large crystals, illuminated by the light of the lightning that passed through them. ~maybe try ...by the flash of the lightning that passed.

~You used the phrase 'this night' three times I believe, and it really stood out. Think about a different phrase to get his point across.

*green* Impressions ~
You can really paint a picture with your writing, etching out every detail that your characters see around them. It really pulls the reader into the story. Looks like you will have another engrossing story under your belt when you continue writing this novel. Write On!

"Game of Thrones"   by Creeper Of The Realm