Hi Renee Trenton ,

This poem is a part of "Game of Thrones"  [13+].

Overall Impression:

This is a dark poem, dear author. It contains a lot of truth, though.

The world isn't a pleasant place. Once we are born, we begin to die. Our bodies begin to fail us at a steady pace. Illness consumes us. We glorify money and power. We judge our own looks, and others' looks, rather than celebrating our differences. We fight, always fight in one way or another, for one so-called cause or another. We pollute, and destroy... so what is our reason for being here?

Your poem expresses this doubt very well. It paints a picture of the nastiness around us. Yet, considering we do reflect on our reality, rather than carry on without a thought, I feel that there is hope.

On the technical side of things, this poem reads well. I could easily find the rhythm and the flow.

Suggestions:

I don't have any suggestions about the content of the poem - I spotted no errors there. What suggestions I have are about the presentation:

Whilst it is, of course, a personal choice, I recommend removing the line breaks within the stanzas and the big breaks between the stanzas (I would reduce those to just a single line break). The reason is that it makes it easier to read your item - less scrolling.

At some points you allow the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend on the individual sentences within the piece. In other places, you don't. I would choose one or the other for greater consistency and clarity. I would personally recommend the former option, as it aids the overall reading experience.

My Rating:

I thought that this is a good, powerful poem. I'm glad that I stumbled upon it.

I did have a couple of suggestions, but none on the actual content. So, I will give your item a rating of 5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .