Plot/story elements:

Did I feel attached to the story or poem?

I could tell the author feels compelled to live and loves someone deeply enough to devote themselves to the act of living.


Would I recommend this piece of writing to someone else?

I think I would change a few verses to stretch some meaning into it. For example, what's the way of the toy? Is it a tangible toy or a metaphor for something deeper? I'd like to be able to relate to it but I need to figure that out first.


Was there a clear purpose to it?

The ending was clear. It made it sound like a love poem, like no matter how bad it gets, you still need this other person. That's a pretty romantic sentiment.


Glows:

Your verses have a rhyming quality to them. I loved the last line of the second verse. I admire a fighting spirit a lot.



Grows:

I think I would change the last line of the third verse to something like: consenting, representing just doesn't seem to fit there to me.



Miscellaneous Comments:

I don't know if you would want to stretch your ideas in this way but what about extending your lines:

What's the source of losing your joy? What do you fight with? What is the fright of your life? What are some of the trials? Maybe addressing these questions would make you go much deeper.




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~Tsa~ House of Greyjoy







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .