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Review #4232013
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Review by Purple Princess Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.0)
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What I read ~
A short story about a magical cave that changes ones outlook on life. Very creative idea. I felt bad for Melvin when things started going wrong because others went to the cave to steal the beauty that lay beneath.

What stood out ~
Wouldn't it be amazing to find something so rare that you could reap those benefits? I did like the apparition appearing to him and trying to stop him from turning his life upside in a bad away again.


Things to work on ~
When Melvin and Harry (the town drunk) got to the cave. They entered and Melvin took Harry to the back of the cave. ~~the first sentence is a fragment. omit the period, change it to a comma and put these two sentences together. Perhaps something like this. When Melvin and Harry, the town drunk, go to the cave, they entered and Melvin took him to the very back.
~If you decide to go back through this piece, think about adding a bit more description. How was he feeling, how it affected him negatively and positively when the cave was discovered. It will add to the depth of the story.


Personal Impressions ~
The story idea worked. The flow was good and it was an enjoyable story to read. I liked that the thieves brought back what they had stolen, and that Melvin felt the only way he could protect the cave was to close it off. Write on!


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