Hi Ruff-urns ,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones"  [13+].

Overall Impression:

This is a strong first chapter, dear author. Interesting characters, hints at what may be to come, but with enough mystery to make the reader want to read on and find out if their suspicions are correct.

The opening of the chapter sets the scene, with Emma not having a good day, and being in quite the bad mood because of it.

The ending of the chapter makes you want to read on, find out more about this strange guy and see what he's up to. Well done.

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions. I hope that you will find them helpful!

Paragraph 2:

...and its ray travelled right through her eyes...

I think that "ray" should be "rays".

Paragraph 6:

The only customers they manage to get...

I think that "manage" should be "managed".

Paragraph 11:

...with an ungloved hand smelled faintly of drying snow.

"... with an ungloved hand that smelled faintly of drying snow." perhaps?

Paragraph 12:

...see through her dark lens...

I think "lens" should be "lenses".

Paragraph 13:

...through her chrome lens.

I think "lens" should be "lenses" here as well.

...and if that haircut, and ride parked outside was any indication...

I think "was" should be "were".

Paragraph 23:

At her wits end, Emily glared at him...

I think that "Emily" should be "Emma".



That is it for my suggestions. I hope that you found them helpful! I also hope that you can make sense of them, as I always try to use as little of the item as possible, out of respect for you, the author, and to not give away too much to other potential readers.



Characters

Emma - Emma is not having a good day. Totally self-inflicted, but still, not a good day at all. She is quite amusing, and despite her grumpiness the reader can sympathise with her.

Her day changes when a strange man enters the shop and makes an even stranger purchase. It's easy to understand her feelings about that.

The customer - Is this the same man we met in the prologue? We can't know at this stage. His purchase, however, is a strange one and points in a certain direction. His mannerisms, too, point in that direction. You have me curious!

Storyline:

This chapter is set in a store. Emma, who works there, is not feeling in the best of moods when a customer displays some unusual behaviour and makes an even more unusual purchase.

It's well-written, and a good opening chapter.

Wording:

The wording is contemporary, which suits the story. It makes for a pleasant read.

Presentation:

The chapter is nicely presented, and easy on the eye.



My Rating:

I enjoyed this chapter. It's a good start of a novel.

I did have some suggestions, but nothing major. For that reason, I will give this item a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .