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 Review #4238434 |
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| Title of Work: : "Invalid Item" Author of Work: : SB Musing   Date: : 07/15/2015 House Name: : House Greyjoy Plot: Jane allows David to wait in her room while she finishes dressing for the ball they are attending. She chastises him when he sneaks a peek over his shoulder and sees her partially naked. When they arrive at the ball a mutual friend named Dan banters with Jane about how she should fight in a dress so she will look more lady-like. David pulls Jane out onto the dance floor and they slow dance while his hands wander over her body. After the ball they return to Jane’s room and make love for the first time. Scene/Setting: Jane’s room Ball room Characters: Jane David Dan Suggestions: It looked as if she had just stepped into the dress and had paused to think to herself. He could see that her ass wasn't covered and was peeking out, the round curves tempting him. Her back and shoulders were exposed as she had the strap of the dress on one of her arms. Feel like this could be reworded to read smoother. A strap of the dress rested on her arm, leaving her back and shoulders exposed. David's eyes moved further down and he noticed that her small, perky breasts weren't covered. Her rosey pink nipples were erect and he saw that her aereolias were a lighter color. Her fiery red hair was in up up in a bun with small white flowers that, addeding a sort of innocence to her. David halted and turned to Jadne as they arrived at the door of her room. He lowered his mouth to trace her aereolia and then her nipple. Word Count: 3,535    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/15/2016 @ 11:20pm EDT