Title of Work: : Aabka (revision (Genre: Fiction/Fantasy)
Author of Work: : ShadowHawke
Date: : July 16

Plot:
Three people enter a dark chamber where an Ogre is being kept captive.

Scene/Setting:
Three people, a rogue, a man in armour and a woman in armor enter a large dungeon type area. In the room is an Ogre who is damaged and wounded. The man in armour is the first to try and kill the Ogre, but he fails. This is where we find out the Ogre is a vampire being. The Rogue is the next to try and he is also killed. The woman tries to get away but the Ogre knocks her down, forcing the air out of her lungs. The Ogre feeds on the two he has already killed, but eventually focuses on the female. As he walks toward her a new hunger takes over his body.

Characters:
Orge
Three people:
Darin - The Rogue
A man in Chain Mail Armour
Kara - A woman in Chair Mail Armour
Suggestions:
There was a slight confusing problem when you did the Point of View change from the trio to the Ogre, in several different places. Possible questions to be answered either prior to this scene or in further chapters. How did the Ogre get there in the first place? Where the three people there because they wanted to be or were they captives? I see the possibility that beings are being sent in by other beings to try and kill the Ogre, like either a contest or because the Ogre must be destroyed and so far no one has been able to do it.

You did an excellent job in describing the scene. I had no problem picturing the location.

Character Count: 1,314 (tags = 222 Characters)
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .