Title of Work: : The Church of Light falls... (Genre: Fiction/Sci-fi)
Author of Work: : ShadowHawke
Date: : July 16

Plot:
A group of beings fights a battle on the surface of a planet.

Scene/Setting:
Beings are dropped onto the surface of a planet where they start to take out the inhabitants. The town is the first one to be destroyed. The attackers advance on the main outpost and kill two of the high ranking officials of the other side. The battle is short, as it seems, most battles are according to Captain Horis. When they think they have won, a Mark-X (?) battle machine immerges and a new battle starts.

Characters:
Captain Jeremy Horis

Suggestions:
"A nearby farmer witness witnessed the impacts, he would be considered a casualty of this war." Also, you have the team still descending, but what happens to the farmer is clear. Are there also special screens which show this much detail outside the capsules?

" ... Information began to pour into the display unit as he looked around, surveying the landing or impact spot." How is he seeing this? Is he wearing special goggles? Does he have a small screen in his hand? Up to this point we could tell he had screens in front of him, but he is now on the ground.

I had no problem keeping up with what was going on in the scene. I was a bit confused about the "six machines". It is unclear on if they are actually six small floating machines around the Captain. Also, somehow you need to specify what the initials you are using mean? I may have just missed this in the reading. The rule of thumb is never use initials for something, until you have at least explained it once before hand (example. Point Of View = POV).

You do not specify if this is a Chapter or an opening idea. There is a lot of potential here.

Character Count: 1,558 (tags = 222 Characters)
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .