Plot/story elements:

Did I feel attached to the story or poem?

Awesome job setting the mood in the opening scene! I was riveted, especially the description of the smells and imagining the path of the bullet! It definitely entices me to read more!


Would I recommend this piece of writing to someone else?

I was not expecting the story to twist the way it did. Of course it would be a circumstance like that to drive the desperate thoughts. I think literature helps us to acknowledge the potential darkness that resides in all of us. This piece does a good job of that. A lot of people go through circumstances that dehumanize them to the point they feel like no goodness is left. That breaking point is different for everybody and that's why the discussions of mental health haven't gone anywhere productive yet, in my opinion. Pieces like this illustrate the need to keep the conversation going.


Was there a clear purpose to it?

He was clearly distraught and maybe needed better systems of support to engage in during this life event.


Glows:

I love that you started the story with the climax and then explained the background of the thoughts at the end. It was a great writing strategy that pulled me in immediately and hooked me.



Grows: Tag:

I always get told to write inner dialog in italics so the reader clearly knows it's an internal thought but I don't understand why that's proper form. I'm not a professional writer though, just an enthusiast.


Miscellaneous Comments:


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

~Tsa~ House of Greyjoy







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .