Hi taknemeyer,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones"  [13+].

Overall Impression:

This is a fun story, dear author. It covers a very difficult, and some would say serious dilemma - have the beer and be snoring and risk the wife's wrath, or do not drink the beer, have a happy wife, but miss out on going out with the boys. At least in the way Tom and the boys have been accustomed to.

Finding a solution to this problem makes for an enjoyable read. Thankfully, his friend Chris has the answer.

The opening of the story made me curious enough to read on. And the ending of the story made me smile. Even if Chris was somewhat naughty, tempting Tom to act against his conscience!

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions, dear author. I hope that you will find them helpful!

There are a few instances where you do not capitalise the beginning of a piece of dialogue. For example: My friend Chris, sitting next to me says, "so, what are you going to do Tom?"

The "so" in that sentence should be "So". That's something to look at in this piece.

I would also add a comma before "Tom".

There are instances where you split a piece of dialogue in two, when it's not necessary to do so. For example: "That's true, she is a cutie isn't she!" I say in a beaming smile only a father of a daughter can give.

"Last time was pretty bad." I admit to my friend.

You can simply change this to something like: "That's true. She's a cutie, isn't she?" I beam the kind of smile only a father of a daughter can give. "Last time was pretty bad..." I admit.

Paragraph 23:

"Come on Tom, you don't have rats, there only mice." Chris shoots back and continues. "What does it matter anyways? You'll be a sleep, and the atrocious snoring of yours would drive away any animal, rats included."

Couple of typos here: "there" should be "they're" and "a sleep" should be "asleep".

Also, I would place a comma after "continues", rather than a period, to allow the dialogue to flow.

My Rating:

This is a fun little story. I enjoyed the read. I also love the title - that's what brought me in in the first place.

I did have a few suggestions. I think the piece just needs a little polish to reach perfection. For that reason, I will give this item a rating of 4 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .