Hi DMT - THANK YOU WRITE.COM ,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones"  [13+].

Overall Impression:

This is an interesting chapter, dear author. I have read the prologue and chapter 1, and thought I would leave you some feedback on this one.

This chapter is all about discovery. Jake, on his 18th birthday, learns that nothing is quite what it seems in his life. His parents aren't his parents. Though he had a hint of it in the previous chapter, he isn't even what he'd always thought he was. He receives a note that asks him to make a decision that would mean placing a lot of faith on little to no information offered by someone who now is a total stranger to him. It's a good set-up for the next chapter.

In addition, we learn something else about Jake at the end of the chapter. What implications will this have for the character? It will be interesting to see.

I thought that for a chapter that revealed a lot of unusual things, it was pretty realistic, which means that you have done a good job with it. Jake's thoughts and feelings felt natural. The reactions from his parents felt natural, too. And the bond between them seemed strong.

On the whole, I liked it.

Suggestions:

It is Jake's 18th birthday. The note that was found in the basket asked his parents to give him a letter on his 14th birthday. Yet, in paragraph 43, it states that "Even though they had been were instructed to give him this letter two years ago." That might be something to look at - his fourteenth birthday would have been four years ago, not two.

There is also a little error in that sentence - it should either been "had been" or "were".

My Rating:

This is a strong chapter. I enjoyed reading it and learning more about Jake and his past.

I did have a couple of suggestions. Nothing major, though, so I will give this chapter a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .