Hi Dalimer Corwyn ,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones"  [13+].

Overall Impression:

This is an interesting story, dear author, which contains some good twists and turns.

A successful news reporter meets with a kid. It soon becomes clear that the kid is more than he seems. All those stories the man reported, all his success rests in his relationship with the boy, Johnny. Now, the reporter knows what he faces in Johnny. He also knows what he faces in himself, and how to end it all.

The beginning of the story is beautifully written, and it was intriguing enough to make me want to read on.

The characters are well-written, each with their own distinct personalities.

The dialogue is strong and assists the plot line.

And the ending packs a punch. Overall, I think you have done a good job.

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions, dear author. I hope that you will find them helpful!

Paragraph 6:

“For well over thirty years you’ve came to this spot..."

I think that "came" should be "come".

Also, I would place a period after the final sentence.

Paragraph 20:

Turns out autopsy found saltwater in her lungs.

Turns out the autopsy found salt water in her lungs. perhaps?

Paragraph 22:

Insignias revolves the outer lining of the artifact.

I think that "revolves" should be "revolve".

Paragraph 24:

From day one, my own little house of cards have been stacked.

I think that "have" should be "has".

Paragraph 28:

Johnnie is perched on a boulder...

"Johnnie" should be "Johnny".

Paragraph 34:

The nervous kid laughed,

"laughed" should be "laughs".

Paragraph 37:

"Johnnie" should be "Johnny".

Paragraph 42:

The teens flesh melts

"teens" should be " teen's".

Paragraph 44:

The single bullet shoots up to the heavens and gets lost amidst the stars looking down toward him from the heavens.

This is a sentence worth looking at, especially as it's the final one. That repetition of "the heavens" takes away some of its punch.

My Rating:

This is a good story. It's a creative idea, and you make it work.

I did have some suggestions. Mainly, though, they're just typos. I will give this item a rating of 4 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .