OVERALL SENSE: You've done wonders with Gaby's prompt. When I read this, you had my rapt attention, wanting to read further on what is going to happen to Kate. I wrote one too, but mine is more carefree as yours is very serious. To have your mother's warning stuck in your head at that very time you needed it made me hope... Well, you know.

         TITLE APPEAL: "Let's be Friends Forever" is the title of this story. That's just chilling to read it, hoping this doesn't come true.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style is horror/scary, paranormal, and death.

The voice of this piece is written in such a way that I was with Kate as she encountered the spirt, a child who was murdered and now wanders the old plantation house. It's now lonely and very determined.

         TONE: The tone is awe- Solemn wonder why these hauntings take place.

         MOOD: The mood is belligerent, curious, and stubborn describes the ghostly girl and Kate.

         Using the Five Senses: - hearing, sight, touch, smell, and taste: Hearing the enticing voice; feeling the icy doorknob, smelling the musky smell, mustiness of decay; seeing the Spanish moss hang from the trees.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting is an old plantation house where Kate seems drawn to it, wondering if she should go in. She is a ghost hunter, so she decided, why not take a peek.

         CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:I feel like I know Kate, she curious, compassionate for the little girl who feeds on that compassion, her imagination expands as she walks up those steps, want to see the room where the curtain is torn. She seems to be able to hear spirits, feel them, but couldn't see them. She can visualize what happened with the angry mother and the little girl.

Personality: Curiosity and compassionate seems to intermingle as Kate looks at that old plantation house.

Motivation: I think the torn curtain looks so sad, and Kate wonders how that happened. This became her first pull towards the house.

         PLOT: The sequence of events leading to the "why" things happened drew me into this character's life and helped me understand the choices that were made, even if I didn't want it to happen that way.

Plot STRUCTURE: I was introduced to the important background as to the information about the setting, a little dialogue, character's thoughts, background details, along with great descriptions, and narration.

         Conflict: The conflict is within Kates mind, warring with the voices of the past, a ghostly child who seems to have a lot of pull.

         }Climax: The point of greatest tension in a story; the point of no return.

         Development/Pace: Did the chapter serve a purpose? Did you feel as though it was introducing something still to come, or did the story seem to stall?
After reading the chapter, did you feel as though you wanted to keep reading? Or did you find yourself bored and uninterested?

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/SENTENCE STRUCTURE: I didn't find any errors, so good job.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

LINES I LIKED: "I drive by the old plantation home and look into its sad, mournful windows. The whole building is a dusty brown instead of the pure white as time causes it to look neglected. My hand grips the steering wheel as I pass it. There’s something about this day and time that I can’t resist its pull. My car pulls into the empty lot in front of it and I take a deep breath."

WHY I LIKED THIS QUOTE: I like this beginning to your story, showing Kates curiosity about the place. It's a draw that the reader wonders, "No, she's not going in there, is she?"



Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,

Jeannie☃️


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .