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Initial hook:

"The world was cold and dark around her, her face was wet with tears."

I thought this was a really good hook- I was instantly sorry the rest of the story was so short! You draw the reader in with questions as to why she is crying, and where is she? Is she a prisoner?


Plot:

"She turned to say goodbye to the village that didn't want her anymore"

This was a good hook to keep the reader going. Why has her village rejected her? Is she a danger, pregnant, a killer, or a victim of abuse they will never acknowledge?

"she turned her newly formed snout to sniff out her old townspeople"

This was good- there was a reason the townspeople didn't want her around- she is a danger, a killer.


Setting:

I think this is set in the past. Although you don't really have the space to mention much scenery, there is nothing about street lighting or headlights.


Theme

This is a little too short to have a developed theme.


Characters:

You make the young girl sympathetic- she is young, alone, rejected and a monster beyond her own control.


Atmosphere/tone:

" Her teddy bear was left on a pile of clothes "

This was nice and poignant- it shows the girl's vulnerability and makes her more sympathetic.


Dialogue:

No dialogue in this piece.


Parts I liked:

"Her form collapsed upon itself; twisting, bending to its own will into a monster "

This was a great description of the girl's metamorphosis into a wolf.


Parts I thought needed more work/questions:

No confusion or questions here!


Grammar and Technical Advice

"bending to its own will into a monster she never knew herself to be."

This doesn't entirely make sense, although I know where you are coming from. I think it's a grammatical error more than anything; there are too many points of view going on.


Overall impression and reason for rating:

I thought this was a great micro story-write on!


I hope this has been helpful. Please remember it is just my opinion and you know your work best.


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