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Initial hook:

"You walk into your favorite coffee shop you order your favorite drink, a tall skinny caramel latte[comma followed by and, or full stop] you then sit at your preferred booth."

This is quite a long first sentence, and you repeat "favourite" twice. Also, you need some grammar work with the commas.



Plot:

This takes a while to get going, and with only 10 lines, you don't have that luxury.


Setting:

A coffeeshop.


Theme

This is a little too short for a theme to develop.


Characters:

This story is unusual because you've told it in second person. It makes it an interesting read, but also open to reader problems. My favourite drink, for example, is not a tall, skinny latte, so that jars me when reading this, because I'm being told something false about myself. I'd just stick to "you order your favourite drink" and let the reader picture what that would be.


Atmosphere/tone:

I didn't really pick up on anything here. The slow start stopped me getting into the story.

The last line was good, you need to keep that sort of pace going throughout.


Dialogue:

No dialogue.


Parts I thought needed more work/questions:

Just some work on punctuation can make a real difference in how your story reads.


Grammar and Technical Advice


You have missed out quite a lot of commas here. A good proofread before putting anything out there will really help you get more reads. Unpolished work, especially when it is short, turns readers away.


Overall impression and reason for rating:

Overall, you picked an unusual tense, which was great to experiment with, and your last line was pretty creepy!


I hope this has been helpful. Please remember it is just my opinion and you know your work best.


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