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Initial hook:

You tag line has an grammar mistakes "This tells how one person be successful with one pencil in his hand"

This immediately looks like the rest of the story will be hard to read through errors.


Plot:

This seems like it's an uplifting story, but the lack of punctuation makes it unreadable. You can't ask people to fully analyse something wih no grammar at all.

Setting:



Parts I thought needed more work/questions:

There isn't a single full stop or capital letter in this whole piece. I'd really wait to make sure your work is polished before you put it on here. Readers won't bother with work that doesn't look like care has been taken over it.

Grammar and Technical Advice

alway's - always
successful .(full stop needed)
he wrote a letter - He

Overall impression and reason for rating:

I'm assuming English isn't your first language, but punctuation is really important or the sentences just run into each other and make work very hard to read. There are some course here that can help, and lots of online information. Let me know if you need pointing in the right direction!


I hope this has been helpful. Please remember it is just my opinion and you know your work best.


The best way to say thanks is to read and review my newest stories:

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