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Initial hook:

"Sarah needed to find her way home." Great hook! The reader is immediately sympathetic to someone trying to find their way home.



Plot:

Sarah is lost, but finds her father. I did find this a little unsatisfying because I still don't know how or what Sarah is, or how she came to be lost.


Parts I liked:

" Her best option seemed scary and foreboding." Many animals do this. So, is there a twist in this story? Is Sarah human or not?

Parts I thought needed more work/questions:

Now at full trot his wide open arms told her she was "Home Free!"

I didn't really understand this sentence, who is trotting? Are they horses? Any twist should really leave the reader in no doubt as to who the characters are and what is going on.



Grammar and Technical Advice

No real issues spotted.



Overall impression and reason for rating:

Because I didn't really know more then when I started this story, I was a little disappointed, but really, with a bit more clarity, this is a nicely written micro story, so keep writing!


I hope this has been helpful. Please remember it is just my opinion and you know your work best.


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