Hello Fi !

This is a SPECULATIVE SPECTACULAR "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Party Review!

It's time for some Power review port raiding. The focus is on fantasy/sci-fi pieces so I knew I had to come back to review you.

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- I really like that it feels like a desolate place from the start of this story. We have someone slinging a rifle on their back and moving forward. We also have winter coming which promises a lot of tension and possible conflict that I'm sensing. I do have some suggestions for you to play with if you wanted.

But Something else was coming, too.

I would play with the usage of 'but' since it delays the action of the scene and gives it more of a passive tone. You especially have more of an active voice so my suggestion is to just play with removing this.


But The sound came out as a nervous gurgle.
-

Would again play with the usage of 'but' in the above sentence just because of its more passive tone.


Dad shrugged. “Call my bluff.”

The rodent’s hand moved slightly as he raised the gun.

Seriously, this story is incredibly engrossing. This highlighted part above is just one example of how you basically get a hold of the reader and you don't let go. There's so little for me to play with in this story that basically I was just on alert for more passive voice and that only happened a little. I love how you have characters within here that are normal, believable, and how they show their compassion by putting everything on the line to save this woman.

cooking was a “girl’s thing,” - comma should be in the quotation marks, small fix.

Characters in Your Story

These characters are honestly very well, multi-dimensional, and so much fun to read. The father figure is incredibly strong and also the son, which I now figure out is a daughter by the end, is another well-done character. We have the tension of the father coming down with this disease and how this young daughter can't seriously let go of his father because this man is their hero and protector. We have the female character who mainly is a way to show us how this father and they are compassionate and won't let something happen to her. I love the dynamics between these characters with the father and her especially in the beginning.

Plot / Setting / Concept

Plot: We have the plot of this desolate land where normal things are not so easy to find. People have to scavenge for food and guns seem like a high commodity. This father and son have to fight the elements and other humans with what is left of the world. I feel like there's a lot of tension and the start of this story was so engrossing. I was totally brought within this story and hardly noticed any telling spots, you showed pretty much everything. The only thing I noticed was the occasional start of a sentence with 'but' that the word wasn't really needed and created a more passive voice.

Setting: The setting is so well described, honestly, I love how we have this desolate world and their our people running around scavenging to survive. How the father and son are so attuned to their surroundings and what is going on. How they notice this ute and to stay away from it, yet they are dragged into this situation to save this poor woman after her husband is killed.

Concept: The concept is great, original, and I'd say like a dystopian universe that you created here. I love how you described everything so well and so clearly within this story. I really dig the concept of how they are surviving barely and the fact that the world has been flipped on its head because of this disease. We have a clear antagonist with the 'King's Landing' and these men who basically run around killing people and then taking women with them.

Things Which I Enjoyed
Change hung in the air, like a vulture hovering overhead, waiting for the kill.

This is an extremely strong description and metaphors you have going on in here. I love how you paint change as this vulture flying overhead, waiting for the right time to kill. I'm now torn between this is a daughter or a son with their father. I'm believing by the end we have a girl since we have that bit about being like a girl even though they didn't want to. And, cutting their hair short so that they look like their father.

The scene you have where the shoot off happens is done so clearly and well done. I can see everything even the antagonist 'rodent's' face. I like how we have the father bluffing that there are five people and then he goes up to the last one living and basically says you made me call my bluff. They are fast, efficient killers but they do it with a purpose and to save this poor woman's life who is wrapped up in this since they were scavenging and she and the man she was with were caught by the King's Landing men. I also really like the dinner scene where the tension calms and how you describe the food and how rare salt is to get.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is a story that really goes off with a bang with the first chapter. I was completely engrossed in here and you grabbed me from the start of it. There are only a few very small points where I could point out some suggestions and the very small punctuation fix I found. I'm going to favorite this Novel and I want to come back to read more of this story. I hope that this review of mine was helpful. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .