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Review #4258069
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Review by John Nation Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (5.0)
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A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the NEW Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.


Greetings Satuawany

I am reviewing "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." Open in new Window..
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH 57 !


In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red

P1 A body could drown like this, he thought.

Whenever a character thinks, the thought should be italicized.

A body could drown like this, he thought.


P9 everyone hied off with books

Technically there is nothing incorrect here. Thing is, I had to look up 'hied' in the dictionary to find it means 'hurry'.
There are many readers that if they see a number of words they do not understand will place it back on the shelf and 'hie' to the next novel.


I like what I read. I can see myself in the halls of the castle/palace, raven on shoulder as I go about my business. I had to unbutton one of my shirt buttons because as I continued to read, I found your descriptions of the heat and sweating bodies made me have similar feelings.

I foresee trouble for the brothers, Thealone in danger and Neir having to save him, or perhaps not. I see these brothers as close. Not due to you writing they are close, but because of the history you wrote of them.

I am not sure yet how Corriagar fits into the plot, but I think the raven will have a key role. Trouble is coming, and I see your hook, the summoning of the brothers by their father as the start.

Your tale captured my attention from the beginning and held it until the end. You have a knack for giving description. I saw and felt like Neir, Corriagar on shoulder as I hunted my older brother.

I find your characters well developed. I see them in my mind, the clothes they wear, certain mannerisms, I hear how they sound.

The main thing I have to say about House of the Raven is that I can hardly wait until I have the time to read the rest of it.

Happy writing,
John

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