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Review #4258540
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Review by Carol St.Ann Author IconMail Icon
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*Bookstack* *Books3**Books4**Books5**Books6**Books1*
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the New Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.


Greetings CheerFairy Dutchessbarbie.:

I am reviewing "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. today as part of the First Annual "The Chapter One Competition." Open in new Window..
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!"

I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to put it out there. I have absolutely no idea what is happening in this story. Someone died, and there are a bother and a sister named Seth and Samantha and ellipses. Then we have a niece and a nephew, but I think the niece is a grand-niece because it appears the nephew is her father. And then another brother and sister arrive who are in their sixties. There is an orphanage that somehow comes into play, and, of course, a secret and some guy named Marcus and we conclude with the driver coming to pick up, I think, the niece or grand niece at 6 o'clock in the morning.

One minute they just got home, then they were at a gathering, then they were in the car, I think, and then at the orphanage Seth, I think was angry at the driver, or guard, but I don't know why, and the they all went inside and maybe they were all going to go to bed? It's a jumble.

I have no idea why anyone is there, or what their plans are, or why.

I started to write some edits here for you, but it's . . . I'm at a complete loss.

I'm truly sorry. In ten years, I've never written a review like this before, and I'm sending it privately because I can't bring myself to make it public.

I believe you are good friends with Jane; perhaps you will ask her or someone who has a handle on the craft of writing to help you with this. That's my suggestion. I am sure you know what you want to say, but it's not getting to the page.


Carol
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/11/2016 @ 6:29pm EDT
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