Greetings Quiltingmama

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH 0 !


In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red


OVERALL IMPRESSION
I'm not sure if this is a romance, but it feels as if there is one brewing between Dray and Dexie. I really enjoyed this chapter, and would buy this book if it were available.

What I Liked Best:
Great dynamic between the three characters you introduced. Dray and his cousin at odds, Dray and Dexie having the same fight against the town bully.

WRITING SKILLS AND CRAFT

Opening Sentence:
The opening sentence pulled me right in and I wanted to know who was there and why she wasn't happy about his appearance.

Opening Paragraph:
The first paragraph was a good draw and pulled me right into the conflict of the story.

Plot:
Dexie has just come back to town to mourn her mother. Her step-brother, Brent is a real piece of work, and doesn't have any problems getting rough with women as long as he gets what he wants. Dray shows up just in time to save Dexie, though she's roughed up. Really nice set up for your story.

Character Development:
All three of your characters are complex and strong. Brent thinks it's his job to own everything he can feast his eyes on and doesn't care how he goes about getting what he wants. Dexie is back in town after being chased away ten years prior. Though she wants to hold her own, standing up against Brent is no easy task. Dray is strong, and doesn't care for his cousin, and has not qualms arresting him.

Dialog:
Great dialogue between all of three of your characters. It gave more insight into each of them, and not one word was wasted.

Spelling & Punctuation:
No issues.

Grammar:
No issues

Continuity:
Story moved well through events of the past and present.

Form:
Everything worked well here.

Clarity:
This is going to be a battle between Dexie and Brent for what her mother has left behind.

Hook:
Dexie is back, and Bret is there to welcome her back with demands and out for his own agenda. Dexie spending time with Dray, her old best friend and Bret's cousin adds to the mix.

CREATIVITY and PRESENTATION

Structure:
Great job here.

Figurative Language & Vocabulary:

Rhythm & Meter:
The chapter read well and moved along good.

CLOSING STATEMENT
Very enjoyable first chapter. There is a lot happening that needs to be resolved between these three characters. Also a little romance brewing between Dexie and Dray heightens there scenes together. The animosity between Dexie and Bret is powerful.

Purple Holiday Princess