Greetings Genipher

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH 30 !


In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red


OVERALL IMPRESSION
I liked the strong sense of pride and irritation of your main character. All she can see is her cupcake business and she wears her hopes on her sleeve that the business will boom and take off.

What I Liked Best:
Your main character does have a sense of humor, and it was interesting to see how she could peg her customers preferences.

WRITING SKILLS AND CRAFT

Opening Sentence:
Show the main characters disdain for reality tv.

Opening Paragraph:
Has the main character telling why they dislike reality tv, in contrast to their penchant for cupcakes.

Plot:
The King has ousted his wife and is apparently looking for a replacement. Your main character hates reality tv and is consumed with her cupcake business.

Character Development:
Did I miss your main characters name? As a reader I want a name to go with the impression that I have of characters, especially the main character. I did think she was funny, and very engaging.

Dialog:
The conversation with her uncle and various customers played off one another well.

Spelling & Punctuation:
No issues

Grammar:
I had opened the shop and was mixing up a test

her grin reminded me of the Cheshire Cat.Her needs to be capitalized since it starts a new sentence

Continuity:
The chapter moved at a quick pace and showcased the main character and what she was all about.

Form:
No issues

Clarity:
I believe that somehow the main character and the King are going to wind up meeting. Will she be the new Queen? I'm not sure of that at this point.

Hook:
The news of the King ousting the Queen is all anyone wants to discuss, which annoys the main character, who is caught up in her business and excited about the big order that has just come in. Somehow she may be thrust into the spotlight in the Kings search for a new wife.

CREATIVITY and PRESENTATION

Structure:
Enjoyable first chapter.

Figurative Language & Vocabulary:

Rhythm & Meter:
Chapter had good flow

CLOSING STATEMENT
Good job adding elements of humor in this chapter. You painted a good picture of your main character.

Purple Holiday Princess

STATIC

Cross Timbers Novel Workshop On Hiatis  (E) Looking for solid NOVEL feedback from other novelists? The NW is BACK & better than ever! #2088228 by Carol St.Ann

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .