Greetings Dee

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH 8 !


In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red


OVERALL IMPRESSION
Interesting story involving Deirdre who is not impressed with the 21st century and prefers older times when gentlemen acted accordingly.

What I Liked Best:
The elements of mystery and the past mingled well and drew me in.

WRITING SKILLS AND CRAFT

Opening Sentence:
We know where Deirdre is and who she is. Good job there.

Opening Paragraph:
Set the stage for the chapter and who Deirdre is.

Plot:
Deirdre is writing a term paper about her family and goes in search of information in the library's basement as a storm has started. With the help of her best friend, Kay, the two girls find themselves in spooky situation.

Character Development:
I liked Deirdre who dances to the beat of her own drummer, and doesn't seem to fit in with everyone else. Though she takes it a little too far expecting someone to open and hold the door for her at college. Kay being her opposite is a good introduction in the story to play off Deirdre.

Dialog:
Dialogue worked well between the friends and added to the descriptions.

Spelling & Punctuation:
No issues.

Grammar:
Her fear turned returned<--this doesn't read well to fascination once she opened the book.

Continuity:
Story moved well and was easy to keep up with. Good descriptions through out that showcased your main character.

Form:
No issues

Clarity:
Deirdre is about to be thrust into a mystery during her research of her family, that was clearly defined.
Hook:
The term paper, and what Deirdre uncovers.

CREATIVITY and PRESENTATION

Structure:
Good first chapter that introduces your main character. She was easy to identify with and interesting enough to make me care about her.
Figurative Language & Vocabulary:

Rhythm & Meter:
The chapter moved along at a good, steady pace.

CLOSING STATEMENT
I enjoyed your opening chapter. Your characters were vibrant and easy to picture. The story unfolded well. Good contrast between Kay and Deirdre.

Purple Holiday Princess