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Review #4259823
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Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: | (4.0)
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A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the NEW Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.


Greetings {huser:Satuawany }

I am reviewing {item: 2095515} today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition.Open in new Window..
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH ## !
Title and Author:

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red


Plot::
A man is riding fast to find his brother. He finds him in a library of a castle. They are summoned to their father.

Hook:
Nice hook drawing the reader in to see why Duraneir is riding so fast and why the raven is staying so close.

Characters Development:

Duraneir (Neir) Bel - Human
Corriagar - Raven
Thealone - Human and Neir's brother
Kaeynan - 15 year old female page


Dialogue:
I enjoyed the dialogue. It was very precise which the piece definitely called for. I had no trouble realizing who was talking at any given time.

Punctuation and Structure:
That was what came of easily accessible learning; everyone hied (not sure what word you are trying for here) off with books as if gathering supplies for a siege.

....... He never could decide if he liked the smell or not. (excellent description of the library)

The colors of a stone well and the darkness within it that had once tried to claim a boy's life (need a period)

Closing Statement
I love a mediaeval flair to a story. You have done an excellent job at setting the scenery around what your characters are dong and thinking. Thank you for posting.

Starling

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#2088228 by Carol St.Ann Author IconMail Icon


   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/16/2016 @ 3:47pm EDT
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