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 Review #4286318 |
 Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  ! Greetings, Jalon Alvarado! This isn't bad for your 1st piece on here. I love horror, which is where I thought you were going with this, but you took it in a whole different direction at the end. Still, you kept the action moving, and the spelling and grammar were also pretty good. And you managed to capture the reader's attention right from the start with that opening paragraph. Sorry to be so picky, but I did see a few tiny niggles: 'my wife, Eva, replied from the other room, "Okay, love. Drive safe!" (My) 'Reaching Rockwell relatively quickly,' (sure you don't mean 'Rockshore'?) 'no reply, so I lingered a bit before raising my voice.' (No) '...as if garbage bags were drenched in bodily fluids' (cool line! I told you I love horror, even blood, guts, and gore!) Otherwise, good job. The ending was a little soft, though. My only suggestions for this would be to double space the paragraphs and increase the font up to at least 4. Not all of us on here have 20/20 vision anymore.  Kee ponw ritin gon, Jalon, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here! PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something more about you, but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Plug Page under Community on the left hand side. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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You responded to this review 12/28/2016 @ 7:33pm EST