%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4286324 |
 | Leap of Faith  [E] churches act more like a business than a place of God  |
| (3.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Greetings, Sandy Kivler! I'm overly religious, but this isn't bad. It's a little short though, and it was a little confusing at the end (at least to me). But you still got your point across about churches acting more like a business than a place of God. I'm not too sure about 'forcing' Valerie to become a Nun, though. That just doesn't seem right. Perhaps that's why she burned the church down? The spelling and grammar were good, and I think this might have been an actual experience for you. A few niggles, one comment: '...could of giving a rats a**' (given) ...a lot of feeling and they weren't for the sister's(,) they were for me.' '...my own Paradise (and no it was not near a dashboard)' (Meatloaf reference! I love 'Bat out of Hell!) 'In the ashes was as clear as day light was a ring inscribed with 2 John 1-6.' (perhaps 'In the ashes, as clear as daylight, was...') My only other suggestions would be to increase the font size and possibly break this up into paragraphs instead of just this one big one (and if you do break it into smaller paragraphs, double space them). Kee ponw ritin gon, Sandy, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here! PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you, but that's up to you, of course.
PS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Plug Page under Community on the left hand side. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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You responded to this review 03/26/2017 @ 6:43pm EDT