Hi Jay,
This is a lovely subject for a poem. Than-Bauk is a lovely simple (to read!) form, which suits a heartfelt yet simple sentiment like this. I like the way you get some of your syllable count by having two-syllable words in there. I think my only disappointment would be the actual rhyme you chose, because what you have ended up with is the exact same word, or part of word. I think the poem would be stronger with different words creating the rhyme. I do know however how difficult these seemingly simple forms can be to write, so it is a minor criticism. Only worth half a star (the criticism, not the poem!)