Hi Andy,
You've done well with this. It's hard writing a story in 140 characters. I've just entered the same contest and it took me ages to write such a short piece!
I think you've picked an important topic, as it's good to raise awareness about teen violence, and you do it sensitively. Behind closed doors is a powerful opening, grabbing the reader's attention, and you don't let them go until the end. In fact the story builds in intensity throughout, to that frightening climax. Very good.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .