Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in December-January-February"  [E].
I have just read short piece "I Fell Down Yesterday" , which I found when I posted my Week #13 entry to the contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
This is lovely, Neva. I can see it clearly as you make your way through this land of rhyme. At first I thought it should be a field of time, but then I saw that I was wrong and the dimension you travelled to was truly one of flowers that rhymed. Hypnotic and captive was how I felt, just like your character.


Characters:
This piece is written in the first person. In a mere 326 words, we learn that this person has travelled through space and time and although she is lulled by the beauty of where she is, she is determined to get back to Earth and her own time and place.


Setting:
Your setting is beautifully described. Though your limited in your word count, you make a marvelous effort to convey a place that sings with life.


Plot:
The character has fallen through space and time and must find her way back to planet Earth. The place is beautiful and tempting to her senses but she manages somehow to find her way home.


Favourite Part:
"This morning a nightingale woke me up. Its song reverberating through my dreams. I listened to its melody while dawn's warm rays caressed my closed eyelids. I opened my eyes to the newborn day. I knew I had to find my way home. I had to find a portal back to earth, back to the planet of my birth."
The sensory aspects of this verse really speak to me - the song reverberating, the warmth of the sun.
I also love the freshness of the morning - having it be 'newborn'
I also enjoyed the rhyming of earth and birth as the place itself seems to seep into your system.


Suggestions:
My only stumble was when the Nightingale sang:
"I would lay upon my back listening to the stories that the rhyming roses told. I would listen to the nightingale sang while back on earth bees and birds were dying for the lack of unpolluted air."

I would listen to the nightingale sing or I would listen as the nightingale sang.



Additional Comments:
This is really a wonderful piece Neva. Good Luck in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .