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 Review #4318433 |
| Hi alfred booth, wanbli ska   My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Invalid Item"  on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: An interesting approach. The ghazal is not an easy form and you've used it well in this lament. It reminds me of the great sage, Pogo  , who said, "We have met the enemy and they is us!" Creativity/Impact:I think you used this form to create an insightful commentary on our world. I like the way you played with the word "watch" using it in several different ways and meanings. Very creative.  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day? Seriously, you've captured the malaise that we seem to have, concerned about nature but not enough to make any meaningful changes. Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: Straight forward. I thought it could have been a little more creative, to catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, not very creative but informative. Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought out to elicit and reinforce your message. Utilizing the alternative meanings of "watch" was clever and opened this up since the ghazal typically uses a recurring phrase or word. Your approach added depth. Form/Flow: The ghazal is a poetic form with rhyming couplets and a refrain, each line sharing the same meter. A ghazal may be understood as a poetic expression of both the pain of loss or separation and the beauty of love in spite of that pain. I'm no expert but it seems you've used this form with great care and preciseness. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:  An enjoyable read even if the subject was our own indifference to what we're doing to the world. Your recognition of what the future holds comes through clearly and I found myself in total agreement. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/22/2017 @ 10:31am EDT