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 Review #4318448 |
| Hi C.M. Dakota My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Invalid Item" on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: Dark you say? Yes, very dark.  You've painted a picture of lost hope that I pray will never come to pass. Creativity/Impact:I think you captured the ultimate fear of those of us who worry, who protest, who work on behalf of this beautiful planet we live on.  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day?  Seriously, you've captured the malaise that we seem to have, concerned about nature but not enough to make any meaningful changes. I think the last two verses seemed to change from nature to spiritual, offering a positive view of the end. If we destroy her creation, will we be accepted? Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: At first, I wasn't sure where this was going but it all made sense as I read your poem. I thought the title was perfect. The "teaser" line (or description ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see you used it to full advantage. Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought out to elicit and reinforce your message. No errors noted. Form/Flow: This was written in Quatrains with an abcb rhyme. For me, the uneven meter made it read almost as free verse but nothing distracted from the message.  Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: An interesting read even if the subject was our own destruction of the world. Your recognition of what the future holds comes through clearly and I found myself in total agreement if we don't make changes. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/23/2017 @ 4:45am EDT