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 Review #4318512 |
| Hi amy-Finally writing a novel. It's just me, Ken, and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Invalid Item" on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: As I read your first line, I thought "she's never heard of the Arum Discoridis." It is a velvet colored rod shaped flowers that native to Mediterranean regions. The flower is famous for its rotten flesh like smell.  Okay, on the whole, I do agree with you. Creativity/Impact:These are your feelings, shared - how much more creativity can one ask for?  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day? Seriously, you've touched on many things that the earth provides environmentally, spiritually, asking nothing in return but love and care. Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: Straight forward. I thought it could have been a little more creative, to catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, not very creative but informative. Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought out to elicit and reinforce your message. I like that animation of your poem - "abounds, scampers, animates" - all that help bring your images into the readers mind. Form/Flow: Free verse is not poetry without form or rules. It is not written as an essay or story and then broken into lines. The final form is not what makes it a poem; it is the simultaneous use of vocabulary, punctuation, and line break. Proper use of the tools of poetry helps to mold a piece to its final state. Simply story telling, then adding line breaks does not constitute a poem. I really saw this more as prose than poetry, more a collection of thoughts and feelings. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: An enjoyable read even if the subject was on the beauty of the earth that we're destroying. Your recognition that we need to ask questions is well said. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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