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 Review #4318540 |
 |  | Harmony  [E] A oneness with nature ...  |
| (4.0)  Happy Earth Day Huntersmoon! Oh wow! This lovely tribute to earth showed up on the Read and Review today! I do enjoy reading your work so lucky you!  The reference to First Nations is effective and I see it was for the group contest a while back. I am familiar with some of the cultures and beliefs so it was wonderful to revisit and be reminded of those nature spirits. I watch the deer each day and how they truly live within the flow of it all and dream... You have captured the essence of the cycle of sun and rain and how the people call for the rain. It is a vivid and I like the personal "we" voice as it relfects the belief that we are all in it together. The last verse reveals this even deeper--that we are one with all nature as well.  I noticed a glitch in verse one with "Its heated". Do you mean "it" or "It has"?The poem flowed fairly well as a quatrain with effective rhyme scheme. A few places I found where the syllable counts were a bit off. you don"t say if you are doing an 8-6 count but most seem to be an 8 count so I went with that.  The last line in verse one is not 8 syllables like the others but it flows along quite well. Line 3 verse 3 is a syllable longer than 8 but again the flow is unimpeded and I can see the need to emphasize "both" forms. Line 3 verse 3 is off kilter when I read it aloud though. Maybe drop the word "the" which slows it down and gives it that extra syllable.  The image and description is clear with the use of thematic vocabulary that enhance the cultural essence as well. The symbolism is vivid in words like "turquoise", "heaven's tears", "trance" "dance" etc. I think the title speaks to the main idea you portray. This reminds me the "Pray Rain" story I can't recall the link now but the idea of a simple meditative prayer of a shaman to imagine the rain is already here. Thanks for sharing this message.Light on the path as you write on! eyestar 
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You responded to this review 04/24/2017 @ 10:54am EDT