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 Review #4318581 |
 | mother nature  [E] a poem i wrote about wanting the kind of simple purpose nature seems to have i guess.  |
| (3.5)| Hi lottie My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "mother nature " on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: I loved the tenor, the feel, but felt this was a bit disorganized as if you were writing in free association rather than having a specific purpose in mind.  Creativity/Impact:These are your feelings, shared - how much more creativity can one ask for?  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day?  Seriously, I saw this as wanting to be closer to or a part of nature and to learn the lessons that earth has to teach. Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: Straight forward. I'm not sure you ever made the connection between "Mother Nature" and "Gaia" (the earth). The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, it seemed slightly off from the message within your poem. Grammar/Wording: Your language is not overly dramatic and seemed well thought out to reinforce your message. No spelling or other issues noted. A nice clean write. Form/Flow: I would categorize this a primarily free verse. Yes, you had rhymes interspersed. Free verse is not poetry without form or rules. It is not written as an essay or story and then broken into lines. The final form is not what makes it a poem; it is the simultaneous use of vocabulary, punctuation, and line break. It may contain rhyme or not. Proper use of the tools of poetry helps to mold a piece to its final state. Simply story telling, then adding line breaks does not constitute a poem. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:  An enjoyable read even if it needed a bit more focus. Ask yourself, "Why did I write this?" Your answer will help you craft your poem in a more purposeful way. Recognizing the earth as mother to us all and capable of teaching us important lessons in life is commendable. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/23/2017 @ 8:29am EDT