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 Review #4318620 |
 | On the Farm Winter becomes Spring  [E] Seasonal Transformation using Vahid poetry form  |
| (4.5)| Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating It's just me, Ken, returning the favor the many reviews you've given me. I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "On the Farm Winter becomes Spring" on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: A new form!  As you well know, I love structured poetry - yes, even those that don't rhyme  . This was a beautiful capture of the season's transition. Creativity/Impact:The Vahid form is very interesting and your explanation adds layers of creativity to how it's composed and how it comes together. Very creative.  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day? Seriously, you've captured the dance of nature as it moves from winter to spring. Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: Clear and informative. I thought it would catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I didn't think it was too creative but given the challenges of the form, it was informative. Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought, as it must be given the form, and reinforces your message. I noticed that you didn't choose to use punctuation which made me stop, now and then, to understand what you were saying. This was most obvious in:roosters crow waking farmers reminding them I wondered, what do the waking farmers have to remind the roosters about? You know what you meant but the reader may not have the same image. Just a thought. Form/Flow: The Vahid is an interesting form and I can see parallels in haiku and tanka forms. I found it very interesting and I enjoyed both the explanation and the introduction to something new. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:  An enjoyable and enlightening read. Your love of nature and the beauty of spring is evident. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/22/2017 @ 6:03pm EDT