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 Review #4318651 |
  Happy Earth Day C.M.Dakota!   Wow! What a plaintive tone full of regret as you consider how the earth is treated in this poem. The free style suits the emotive content and theme. You really captured the essence of ways we destroy Mother earth. I could visualize the images of her "cracked face", frozen lungs, and our final dance. It is interesting and a profound truth that we go back to the stars or where we came from not matter what we do. But the how we cause it ourselves in the bleak way to get there. The destination for the soul is a happy one -a brilliant contrast to the images in previous verses. Having the voice speak to Mother earth in sorrow is appealing as the poet admits what man is doing. The personification of earth crying for us as her children yet we freeze her out is moving. It supports the end that she does always forgive. The verses have no set rhythm but the rhyme scheme is consistent. Repeating the call to Mother in each verse is emphatic and adds to the drama and trauma you build here. My favourite verse for flow in reading aloud were verses 5, 1, and 3."your eyes that cry for me" is not a complete sentence so I am not sure why a period is there as it seems to connect to the next line which also has a subject "they". Maybe a comma instead.  In verse 2 I was wondering about line 2 in terms of flow and coherence. eg. "they dry up, and crack your face" might be more direct and potent that the passive way you have it. Play around and see what you think. In verse 5 "past" needs to be the verb "passed".  The last line in verse one is a good question and makes us know it is too late in this case so it sets the sad tone to come.  In spite of my picky glitching, this poem has a strong vibration and evokes thought and sadness to think what is happening. Sharing your vision may serve as a wake up call!  Light on the path as you write on!eyestar  
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You responded to this review 04/23/2017 @ 4:35am EDT