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 Review #4319104 |
 | the last egg  [E] a haiku sonnet  |
| (4.0)   Happy Earth Day RHyssa!   I was enchanted by the title which was evocative of sadness somehow. It made me curious as being the "last" could have different meanings. I enjoyed reading this very descriptive expression where each verse reveals the spring season and elements of its growth. Each verse is clear and follow a 5-7-5 pattern except for the last couplet, which I take is part of the Haiku sonnet form. I do not know much about that form.  The last verse sums up a sadness and tieing the "shadow" of winter to the "unborn" . Brilliant. The poem is vivid with lots of images. I thought in Haiku each verse was to focus on one specific and vivid image and a contrasting one--two at the most and provide an Aha moment. The first verse centers on spring (though you give 3 nouns) and contrast with the frost so it does have a contrast image. Also, I think adverbs are not often in haiku. eg."secretly"--what would that look like in vivid language. In the third verse "all radiates life" is very general and does not give me a specific image to focus on. I can see why the punctuation is needed in how you write this, though again haiku uses little of it usually. I have read that in English we actually use more words that the japanese original in order to get the syllables right. I suppose that is why it is controversial now in how to create one.  That bit of my learning said, I was drawn into your vision and could imagine the "hatchlings" and the wee nest with eggs. I felt sad for the last one. Good job!The second verse is a favourite with its detailed picture--delightful!  In researching Haiku sonnet I see it is experimental and I think you have linked each verse adequately. The atmosphere created mimics the emotion of a sonnet and the 3 line descriptives fit the form. The overall feel and effect of your vision is solid and I could enter into the vision with ease. I appreciate the effort it took to create this with coherence. I have enough problem with regular sonnets!  Well done. Thanks for sharing your spring vision and craft in this cool form! Keep on haikuing! Light on the path as you write on!eyestar  
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You responded to this review 04/24/2017 @ 5:21am EDT